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June 9th, 2009

An explosion at a Slim Jim factory (yes, the beef jerky) in North Carolina has injured several people who were inside the building. Three people are still missing.

Capt. Chesley Sullenberger, the pilot we all hope is flying the next plane we take, testified today at a hearing before the National Transportation Safety Board.

A luxury hotel in the Peshawar, Pakistan was hit by a car bomb which has demolished one side of the structure. The death toll is currently at 11, but expected to rise considerably.

Senators Joe Liberman and Lindsay Graham think it's so important that photos of American soldiers torturing foreign detainees never see the light of day that they're willing to shut down Senate operations to get their way.

The family of Dr. George Tiller has decided to permanently close his clinic in Wichita, Kansas. Meanwhile the man suspected of shooting Dr. Tiller calls the shooting "a victory for all the unborn children." Because obviously the best way to show your respect for life is to kill people.

OMG you guys, ADAM LAMBERT IS GAY! I might keel over and die from the shock of that announcement.

"I'm proud of my sexuality," he said. "I embrace it. It's just another part of me."

But I coyly danced around discussing this part of me of which I am proud for the entire run of the competition! That's how proud! To be fair, it's possible the producers made him stay quiet or that he thought his sexuality would work against him. But... it's not like we didn't know. Here's a preview of the Rolling Stone interview where Lambert also explains how he decided to do American Idol while high on drugs at Burning Man. No seriously, he says that. I'm not kidding.

Today in ways we're all gonna die, the Pentagon is making progress toward actual liquid metal Terminators. How many times do I have to say this, people? Sci-fi is not an acceptable place to get your ideas for real-life projects. Just the opposite, in fact, because in sci-fi those projects usually end in catastrophe.

The guitarist for Christian hair metal band Stryper and the founder of Hookers for Jesus were married in a Las Vegas church. In spite of the bizarre packaging it's a pretty sweet story, and I actually used to own two Stryper albums on cassette, so good luck to the newleyweds!

Finally today... the Zack Attack is BACK, bitches. This video is priceless.